You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
