eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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