honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
