Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
