that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
