Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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