You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
