i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
