so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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