I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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