Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
