Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
