4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
