Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
