she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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