my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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