I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
