or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
