his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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