New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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