I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am available for nakedness
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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