your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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