i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
