my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
