We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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