stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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