This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
