I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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