Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.