I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.