beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?