I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!