well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.