It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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