i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
