Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
