Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
