I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
