He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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