Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
