totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
