it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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