We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
