I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
