I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
