We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize