So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
