I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
