we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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