Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
