you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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