What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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