Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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