The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
