Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
