i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
