So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
