drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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