Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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