Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
