You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
