Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
