Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
