Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
