She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
