he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
