ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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