you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
