covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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