It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
