Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
