so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think i got beer on your cat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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