Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
