New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
