Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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