Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
