My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
